Quotes on Humor from TIGERX.COM

Favorite Quotes of the Day on Humor

"I was under that very desk 35 years ago, and I could tell you there's barely room for a 3-year-old."
- - A comment made by John F. Kennedy, Jr. during the Clinton Impeachment Proceedings
In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings - - Dean Martin
When the tough gets going, the smart get lost - - Robert Byrne
Never do anything on an empty stomach except eat - - Zorro
Computers are worthless. They can only give you answers - - Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
As usual, your information stinks - - Frank Sinatra (Telegram to TIME Magazine)
It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do - - Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927)
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? - - Steven Wright
Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal - - Lionel Trilling, in Esquire
When thou enter a city abide by its customs - - The Talmud
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step - - Lao-Tsu, The Way of Lao-Tsu
What hath God wrought? - - Samuel F.B. Morse (the first telegraph message ever sent in 1844)
I have received no more than one or two letters in my life that were worth the postage - - Henry David Thoreau
The Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire - - Voltaire
If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging? - - Mark Twain
New York needs Disney, because you know, New York is not entertaining enough... it makes me sick! - - David Letterman
If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing - - Kingsley Amis
Psychics will lead dogs to your body - - Fortune Cookie
I have a rock garden, last week three of them died - - Richard Diran
May God defend me from my friends, I can defend myself from my enemies - - Voltaire
Weather forcast for tonight: Dark - - George Carlin
The nice thing about egoists, is they don't talk about other people - - Lucille S. Harper
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into our neighborhood after dark - - Dick Gregory
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks... I didn't want to interupt her - - Henny Youngman
Is your family happy? Or do you go home at night? - - Henny Youngman
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse - - Groucho Marx
Bigamy is having one wife too many, monogamy is the same - - Oscar Wilde
Communism is like one big phone company - - Lenny Bruce
Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food - - Alfred Hitchcock
If all economists were laid end to end they would not reach a conclusion - - George Bernard Shaw
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job - - Woody Allen
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much - - Oscar Wilde
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on the human face, forever - - George Orwell
Its better to be quotable than honest - - Tom Stoppard
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
Deja Moo: The distinct feeling you have heard this bull before
It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Astronomers often have their own private view-points
A cowboy who was also an artist could draw fast

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